Raised eyebrow..
Once upon a time in galaxy far far away when the world was still young,and i didnt have a paunch,a time when logic and common sense didnt take a back seat to mindless stupidity(though personally im not against it),a time when men were men and not classified as ubersexual,metrosexual,retrosexual,jethrosexual,deathrowsexual....a time when the newspaper and televison MADE SENSE......

As i write this humble piece(this is the part where you protest and say "no fahad ...you writing is magnificent),i am eating chocolate cookie cream ice cream....now as generally occurs when i am eating ice cream many a weird and wonderful thought saunters into my obscenely idle mind and makes itself comfortable...and as is also my daily custom i tend to communicate these onto you and therefore infest your mind with my pointless and directionless thinking.And since today is bitch-slap-the-mali day i will make my point rather quickly before i walk out and beat the dingdongs out of my mali with his shears...another favorite pastime of mine.

The object of my pointless but not senseless(theres a difference..) tirade today is the tv...my one time true love.....
Usually i am idle...very idle in fact..but since we have holidays to do nothing...i have successfully reached new levels of idleness..So as any warm-blooded creature would do i switched on the tv....at which ensued a number of VERY big mistakes.Another episode of my life that has left me psychologically scarred.....
The first channel that popped up was Star Plus..(my first big mistake)...at which i deduced that our house maid had been catching up with her soaps again last night after we were asleep...She by the way is a complete addict.She literally has withdrawal symptoms when she misses a single episode of any of the 5 serials she watches.Anyway,to satisfy my morbid curiosity i watched about 15 secs of some rerun of some serial....In my humble opinion(thats your cue again...) i think 15 secs is a rather short time.I mean you cant even pick your nose in 15 secs,BUT in those 15 secs that i witnessed 2 couples divorce, 3 women announce that they're pregnant,5 people get slapped,12 close ups, 4 diffent background tunes and a man recieve a medical report describing him impotent....
My brain promptly short circuited and i passed out...
After i regained consciousness(which took a while considering i fell asleep while i had passed out) i took a swig of my grandfather vodka marshalled my strength and decided to take another run at the tv....my second big mistake....This time i picked channel 6...(seemed like an innocent no. at the time)Turned out to be Aaj Tak.
Now my humble(you know wat to do) understanding is that news channels are supposed to report NEWS..You know stuff like.."Bhutan declares war on Maldives....Clash of the titans leaves NYSE in a state of panic...Emegency meeting of Nato called"...something like that...
But noooooo....Aaj Tak goes and snoops out stories which involve a woman marrying a man who was secretly Dawood Ibrahims Chai-maker...But the woman was Chhota Shakeels step-dog's ex-owners niece's cousin and therefore the two of them got feuding..These reports are complete with re-enactments,background scores and EXCLUSIVE interviews with Chhota Shakeels step- dog.."...or theres even the story about the man who came back to his wife after 15 yrs and how he found her pregnant with his neighbours kid and now wants his wife back..but a woman who the husband knocked up while he was presumed dead turns up and says she's in love with the neighbour...Dont believe me?Check todays newspaper...Ekta Kapoor is suing Aaj Tak for plaigarism....I switched over to CNN and about this i kid you not....
at the bottom of the screen where the news flashes by it said,and i quote,"Beyonce declares she no longer like the word 'bootylicious' "....Oh my God NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!this can tbe happening how can she say that...HOW could she??????Im GOING TO KILL MYSELF...
I dont understand the fascination we have for celebrities.
News Anchor:"We now have breaking news from houston that Vince Vaughn and Jen Aniston have been SPOTTED shopping together...Time for another update...Vince Vaughn has picked up a carton of juice....this is NOT a drill, people......i REPEAT Vince Vaughn HAS picked up a carton of juice and has reportedtly handed it over to Jen....Back to you carol"

I passed out.....
Baron