Human Emotional Weirdness
I wish to express(as any fellow martian will tell you) that humans as a whole are an idiotic race of organisms and quite a waste of organic matter..I my self being but a visiting dignitary from the redplanet (have witnessed and oft fallen prey to the irritating phenomenon of human emotions.Its not so much the emotion that annoys but the stupid things i do when i feel those emotions.As I am truly intruiged by this phenomenon(and because im mind-bogglingly idle)i have taken the liberty to catalogue the strangest of human emotions ie:LOVE ......I have not catalogued other emotions like hate and lust et al coz even we on mars get frequently pissed and occasionally horny(scuse the language but im trying to make a point)...okay...here we go
LOVE
Love ...eww.it feels slimy coming of the tongue(im sorry but while i admit to being egotistical odd and oft a real insensitive bastard i draw the line being goopy)Of course there are all types of lovebut im referring to the kind between a guy and the fairer sex...you know the kind thats heralded with hot flashes(not the menopausal type),tongue tying and acts of abnormal stupidity....Everywhere in the world there are the weird and the weirder.Which is what brought me to this planet in the first place...wait...i forgot my point...oh yeah!!All through school i've had a crush on a girl a year..not a bad average i'd say.How many were fruitfull???Lets just sweep that figure under the carpet..My first crush was on this girl in the first grade who used to say "Excuse-me" in the cutest way(Don't look so surprised i told you im idle).That and she was the only girl in 1st who DID'NT have a Barbie backpack..of course as soon as i told her about her appeal she promptly went and bought herself one.So that was a blowout...Then came second...Not much of a crush to mention, except maybe camel glitter pens(....soo shiny)With third came cartoon network...Of course i did the stupidest thing possible and developed a crush on the following-
1.The Russian Babe in Captain planet
2.The Red Head in Johnny Quest WAIT...stop laughing there's more.It was Betty And Veronica in sixth (i was young....don't judge me)......Then I managed to strighten out and it was (and is )Naomi Watts in 7th...Allison Mack in the beginning 8th(the blonde from smallville)..Then It came to pass that i came across MS X (refer to my second blog)......SIGH....A word about Ms X.The most amazing,smart,cool,not to mention Drop-dead-and-wop-your-head gorgeous creature this side of Daniela Hantuchova's house The Elusive and (thankfully) unknown ms X has the strangest and what doctors describe as medically baffling effect on me.When im anywhere within a half mile radius of her i start acting weird("But Fahad you act weird all the time" you say??True but this time more so)When she sashays her way pasti go blue,green,red and what my friends call 'orangish-yellow'.My heart could bloody well short circuit an ECG.Its Not hard to make out when she's nearby..i start acting loopy and i suddenly become all formal and not my usually 'you-know-what-see-if-i-give-a-fuck' self..I become all nice and keep my swearing to a minimum...not that its my choice really...Like on NOV 14 when she wore these really cool pants i wanted to say "really nice pants u look dynamite"I,of course wound up saying"reallymfffghtiidiyuoo"...Then there is the question of image portrayal...should i be the warm-kooky type or the suave-smooth type so i settle for the strange-confused type..But of course as many of you gung -ho punks out there would say "ARREY YAAR......just bolo her
"i would like to ..very much soo except of course im scared i might get the look ...oh you don't know the look ???...you know the kind that throws at you like you're something that climbed out of the drain of a particularly objectionable nature...Not That i expect her swoon and faint of me either but.......... GULP(that was me swallowing a LOT of Pride).......im not Exactly Brad Pitt.......Of Course i may have omitted to mention that we share what any outsider would undeniably label a warm relationship but there's a catch ...she has a similarly warm realtionship with every body she knows.....JYYYUUUUUSSSST great......Now what?????Ohhh Yeah One More Thing she used to have this annoying Boyfriend whom i will hereafter refer to as SOF or STUPID OBNOXIOUS FUCKER...now this guy is as you may have guessed from his description is a STUPID OBNOXIOUS FUCKERwho is as annoying as a mosquito when you have a hearing aid on....Not that he bothers me these its just that a stupid obnoxious fucker got her and ...you gessed i have as much a chance as with her as i do having a day without some sort of screw up(which might i add is VERY low in-fucking deed)Now many would ask....the vital omni-important question of "when's lunch "...that's the question on my mind any way..(oh yeah i already had lunch..whoops )Look i gotta scram..if you read this blog leave a comment..yes even you JD
PeAcE ComPaDreS
BARON