Sometimes in life......
Its a funny thing ,life.Somedays you can just wake up in the morning drink your milk and walk out the door and neither know nor care how it turns out,"heck its just another day".
Days when you, go come and do without incident.
And then there are the second kind.Days when you just want to come back home.Hold your head.......and just cry.Its days lik ethese that my Nana warned me against.He said there would be days like these which "test you,its how life decides what you're made of".
But its always easier to get through these days with a hope,a light at the end of the tunnel.But when you look around you and all you see are stones of the pillars you stood by crumbling,it just feels so ...alone.
Im a normal guy. I try to be anyway.I got a lot of thing sthat a lot of people have ,abd i got dont have stuff too.Things that ,i dunno,maybe make a difference.
I dont have a Fossil watch,an expensive cellphone,and XBOX 360,or a yesterday that im proud of.I can't look back and say "goddamn...that moment,i owned it".Not that im blaming anyone for it.Don't get me wrong.Its just that when i look back five,six ,hell ten years i cant point my finger at one memory i dont ever want to die,or that one moment that everybody thinks of when they're alone and need a smile.
A very wise man once said:"the world dont care for how you feel or what your thinking of.The world wants champs.Its your actions that make you.Your thoughts just tell you what you think of yourself".I guess he was right.
Sometimes I sit and i wonder what if...what if i had done that thing the other way.What if i had cried when i laughed.What if i had hurt when i brushed it all aside.Would things have been different?
Sometimes i look around me and i see all these people that are .They are and donot simply exist.They have happy memories,success and something to show for all these years.I envy them .I envy them because for whatever reason ,whether their family always supported them or because they were made of something different than i am,they have something that i want .They have a chance,a direction a future,an oppurtunity.They have blue ties and certificates.They have friends that swear by them,they have how we say..a past,a future, but most importantly they have a present.
Sometimes when its raining i look out the window and i see the city all shiny and new looking.all clean and nice,and i spend some time on the balcony and let the wind wash over me.Its heals the burns i suppose.It makes me feel a lttle more healed.
I guess the reason i posted this long and tediosu post is simply because i want to tell you,yea YOU,to go out there.TO be something, to believe in something.Dont let the chains of doubt and duty pull you back.Stand up for what your are and don't let people tell you otherwise.When something feels right,just do it.If you love someone,tell them,waiting wont make it easier.And when you aren't sure ..throw the dice..see where they land..its all that matters..Learn from my mistakes,somebody really should.
I gotta go to sleep now,hell who knows maybe when i wake up the world will be a different colour ..maybe i'll be different .
Hell who knows.....maybe someday
FadZZ
posted by the red baron @ 1:49 AM
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